Saturday, August 25, 2012

And it appears that BG only needed TWENTY-SIX MINUTES to shoot down his claim...

In a post marked 7:10 AM this morning on BluGartr, Kamugi from BluGartr identifies himself as the player from the Official Forums (Kaerin from Odin) who made the claim I referenced to in the last post.  He then posts a link to the video, sped up 4X...

29 minutes later, pchan refutes it, on some level:

"Lol you must me the most retarded player and butthurt one I've seen on both BG and the OF. You pretend to post a video when all you do is lock your SCH at the rune of transfer for the whole run, not showing a single lamp order floor (as I asked in my 5xmarrow offer), and expect me to take you seriously ?"

( Actually, pchan, your initial offer was any F100 clear legal.  But he is right, the guy tries to get away with being the Embrava SCH/rune activator on this.)

But here's the great punchline!!!!  He can't even get away with THAT!!!

3 minutes earlier, only TWENTY-SIX MINUTES after the link was posted, FantasticDan disqualifies the run completely!!!

"Define "without cheating"? People are using ja0wait in your video (which is probably with clipper, so who's to say they also aren't moving around at 125% movement speed or whatever?), and I don't see how you can guarantee people aren't using apradar/.dat swaps.

I know one of the players in your group(unless the account has been sold), and he was a very avid user of "3rd party tools" to say the least. I would find it very hard to believe he isn't using clipper/.dat swaps/apradar."

But then Kaerin claims that he only needed to prove no .dat swaps:

"You said post a video of you winning without dat swaps or flee hacking, I did. Sorry about the lamp order floor though, that must be in the second run. And as per Pchans statements "windower and stuff is ok, but no flee hacks or fillmode or dat swaps" which we didn't use. And ya, Youtube limits your videos length, so it had to be 1 video, sped up. And as I originally said many months ago, you cant know that no one else is cheating unless you have all 6 people record and upload a video, and you said that wasnt required, just 1 person would be fine. Well, there's one of my videos, the two of them will meet your expectations for what you wanted, and what you ask for, and what you offered 5 umbral marrows for. The other video will be a bit though, it takes a long time to do this crap."

Well, if pchan said that Windower was OK, then his whole premise is irrelevant, because the entire premise of this situation is to prove a LEGAL Floor 100 clear.  Even Windower renders that disqualified.

Let's take a look at the two 5-Marrow claims.  They are slightly different.

The FIRST claim, which I mentioned on June 28th (and was made some time before then!), was as follows:

"Haha you lose. I'm giving 5 of my 171 marrows to anyone posting their own self made video of a cheat-less F100 Neo Nyzul clear. Come on, show us your mad skillz."

The SECOND claim, which I mentioned on July 21st, was as follows:

"I'm still offering 5 umbral marrow to anyone proving me with a video that they won nyzul SE's client and with at least one order lamp floor with 5 lamps."

JA0Wait = BUZZER !!!!

JA0Wait means they could not have used the Vanilla Client (by FantasticDan's own knowledge!), and it's not cheatless.

It fails both claims on that regard alone.

And, in fact, I can redouble that!

Watch his video again, and go to his Floor 40 clear.  (He actually lands on a boss at 40.)  At 2:51 of his video, a bunch of red text is shown in the upper left-hand quadrant of his screen a few seconds before his L40 clear.

*insert "The Price is Right"'s Loser Horns right here please...*


Finally, SOMEONE is attempting to cash in on Pchan-MarkovChain

Finally, after how many weeks and months, we at least have one person who has decided to finally put money to mouth -- maybe...

wish12oz from the Official Forums, Kaerin from Odin, posted the following sometime in the last 24 hours:

"Bumping this thread to say that I started doing Neo Nyzul for my mage mule, and to put my money where my mouth is I even live streamed it and recorded it. So now I have this awesome video from last night saved on my PC where I won 2 of the 3 runs we did without cheating. So now the question is: Will Pchan pay up? Do I need to do anything else? There were other people watching as I did it. Do I need to find an editing program and crop out like 6 hours of video so I can have the 3 nyzul runs together, then speeding them up so I can post them to youtube? (youtube has a 10 min video length max unless your videos get tons of views or something) So how about it Pchan? Wheres my marrows? Am I getting 10 instead of 5 since I won 2 in a row also?"

I assume BG will get this information to Kaerin:
  • Well, you said you live-streamed it and recorded it.  Upload it and give us the link.  (Probably even easier if this was or somesuch, but I'm not quite sure on the particulars.)  BG (who would have a VERY vested interest in this) could help you get it highlighted so it gets kept for a while!
  • You don't even need to necessarily crop them for YouTube purposes.  It might be easier if you did -- though I also do know you can start us at a certain point in the video.  You've got an hour or so of video to show us for the 2 runs.
  • And here's the other thing:  If one of those runs was of an order-lamps floor with the maximum five lamps, you WOULD be entitled to a second five Marrows, but not from pchan.  Mdkuser, also from Quetzacotl, made that offer on the bug announcement on the Official Forums.
  • No Windower either - that's an automatic DQ.
You do not realize the statement you are making.   If you can prove a legal F100 NeoNyzul clear, and actually PROVE it, you may have saved the accounts of much of the remaining elite-endgame crew in this game.

  • Post the video of the stream, and/or the link thereof.
  • Ensure we can see all relevant information to indicate the clears were legal.
  • Vanilla client, legal to the Terms of Service.
  • And remember:  No posted video, no claim.  If you need help, there are numerous players who I am certain will be glad to help you.

Friday, August 17, 2012

I normally would just respond to this, but this is just too priceless and funny not to see more widely...

"Anthony" spewed forth and decided to try his best at, well...  I'm not exactly sure what he was trying to do, unless he was trying to do it under the influence of several illicit substances:

"Every post you make makes me incredibly happy. How many years have you been browbeating this stuff? 4? 5?"

Late 2008, pushing four years.

Pretty much from about the moment I seriously made 75 BST and learned that the game had just started.

"You can do nothing. Yiu threaten and threaten and curse and use big words but you are nothing. Nothig you have ver done has ever impacted any other players play."

Ladies and gentlepeoples, if you want to see WHY I rail, and will continue to do so, I want you to try to read this, and the remainder of the comment, if your Bullshit-to-English BluGartr Translator is on.

"Cheating hasnt stopped, griefing hasnt stopped, and everyone hates you."

You don't realize that the last gives me more freedom (and always has, since high school) to continue to speak out.

You're right in all regards, and that's why it might take vigilante justice.

"SE hates you (bans),"

I'd go more specifically to the North American part of Square-Enix on that one, but would agree that far.

"players hate you,"

I have no problem with that.  Cheating, griefing, stupid fucktards basically run around without regard for anyone but themselves -- of course they'd hate me.

"Im sure local police hate you,"

Damn straight.  Flipped off a few of them too.  Nothing but a local arm of the Department of Homeland Security anyway.

"and Debbie Reynolds hates you."
Need I say any more with respect to that this guy is on some form of drugs?

Wow...  Stalking Debbie Reynolds...  That's a good one.

She only would've been sixty-six years old when I got arrested.  Damn, you think I get around...

(*insert dripping sarcasm logos here any time now*)

"Keep posting please, obscenly entertaining. BRB starting up a neo-nyzul run"

I guess I have to, although I'm not exactly sure, after this post, that he can even read the words "Fuck You"...

You are illiterate, moronic, probably on drugs, and basically are the perfect example as to why I do what I do and say what I say.

Don't take it seriously?  Fuck you, I don't care.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I guess I have to clarify for a bunch of motherfucking jackasses

Number One:  I do not believe anyone over at Square-Enix reads this blog.  I tweeted the link to FFXI_EN because it was the level of my participation in the "Dear Akihito Matsui" business.

Your belief in the delusions of my grandeur shows no boundaries, BluCheater.

Do I think they should read it?  Do I think they had BETTER read it?  Yes.

But do I think they do?  Look at who their own goddamned Community Team supports!  It makes me wonder if Square-Enix actually gets financial support/"tribute" from BG themselves!

Number Two:  You do realize that, if you wish to apply the general "stalker" mentality to me, you'd have to conclude that, by effectively being "tied in infamy", I would've gotten what you believed I would've sought in 1998.  Because, as you correctly mention,

Nothing, of course, would be further from the truth, but let's not let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Number Three:  If you believed half the shit you post there about me, you'd be in contact with the FBI already -- and would've been so for years.

Who the fuck are you to think you'd get better than what she got?

Seriously...  Who the fuck are you...

People like you make me WANT to go back to jail.

Number Four:  An unenforced contract (and a fraudulent one) is no contract whatsoever.  If Square-Enix were to have no obligation to universally uphold the Terms of Service (and I do believe there are decisions, other than Leong vs. Square-Enix, which say this), then Square-Enix, factually, would have no legal right to continue support of Final Fantasy XI in any circumstance.  Their entire contract would be null!

Frankly, why aren't you motherfuckers running the show at this point, BluCheater?  One would think that, in exchange for my money, I would have an expectation and a demand that the playing field be level.

The problem with that comes in the Spygate lawsuit -- that, basically, no such contract may well exist.  At that point, the game becomes not only a lawless construct in the United States, but, hence, probably an illegal one as well.

Maybe that's my answer to #3...

Basically, in answer to Byrthnoth:

"Hey guys, half our paying customers are big fat cheaters. Lets ban them all and lose more than half of our profits! What? That's not feasible? Well, lets just ban everyone and shut down the servers instead."

Exactly.  Otherwise, don't come crying to me when I start taking the law into my own hands.

An Open Letter to the New Director of Final Fantasy XI:

Something I was planning to get around to eventually, and finally decided to start tonight, in light of a number of efforts (some player-driven, some SE-driven) to get communication to the new director, who replaced Hiromichi Tanaka on July 31.

So, here's mine:

Mr. Matsui:

I really don't think you have an impression as to how much of a joke this game is being treated as.

And I believe this is true on all feasible levels:  I believe Square-Enix was ready to give up on Final Fantasy XI after the January 22, 2009 Salvage bans, until Final Fantasy XIV was seen as an even bigger joke, financially and in the game community, than anyone could've ever forseen.

The players basically have attempted to re-stratify the game back about to where it was when the level cap was 75.  Fortunately for some of us, they have failed in many respects.

I could sit here and talk about a number of things I'd like to see in the game, but before any of those can be implemented, the first request is basically a final and enforced decision on third-party programs.

In the eyes of most of the players socially accepted as "elite", these programs are not only preferred mechanisms to the legal first-party software, they are not only required to play the game, they're required to KNOW HOW to play the game.

That must stop.

And if I have anything to say about it, it will stop.

But what I'd really like for you guys to do is to stop this game from becoming, once again, one where griefing, trolling, and content denial are not only allowed, but the rule of the day.

BluGartr and it's supporters must be smashed.  This includes members of your own company who have chosen to endorse illegal play.  Those two jokers, Camate and Bayohne, who attended VanaFest and couldn't seem to get their mouths off the rear-ends of an illegal play community should be fired for what they said and did.

If that's the "Community Team" which represents the North American play community, then it's little wonder to me or others why the North American community of players of Final Fantasy XI stand almost completely ignored -- and SHOULD BE.

Unlike most North American players, I openly endorse the shunning of this North American player community by the Japanese developers until such time the supposed (and Square-Enix-stated) "zero-tolerance policy" against third-party programs is enforced -- even if it eventually means termination of North American support and gameplay for Final Fantasy XI.

Otherwise, frankly, they should be running the show.  They don't think you have one iota of a clue how to make, code, set up, or execute a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game.

They certainly don't believe you know how to create an interface for it.

And these player communities have compromised much of the gameplay in North America for years.

Either get rid of them, or get rid of the few players who reject them.  If community and profits are more important than fair play, then let these frauds, cheaters, and criminals run the show.  Under those circumstances, they know more about the game than you do!

Until you deal with this question, nothing else said to you is going to matter.  This is THE #1 issue, and, I would think (if in hushed tones more than anything else) that's what you're getting told over there in Japan.


I'll go over a list of other things which I'd like to see, but, again, third-party program abuse has to be at the top of the list:
  • The whole "yellow=fair game" rule has to go.  If a player/party/alliance has gained claim on something, they should not be able to lose it due to any realistic circumstance unless they wipe and leave.  To allow the current rule to stand allows for griefing, as well as it allows for a group to go into an area with the sole intention of stealing mobs.
  • Basically, the game has to stop rewarding abuse.  I'd get rid of skillups in Besieged (and make losing the Astral Candescence much more punitive than it currently is -- though one must wonder, especially with Seekers of Adoulin coming out -- whether ceasing realistic ToAU progress under a Beastmen-controlled Astral Candescence would really matter to most players).
  • Enforce the rules against game-payment to advance and absentee play.  That is:  Get rid of the Fell Cleave baloney.
  •  I'd put a Voidwatch/Confrontation-like restriction on Campaign battles.  Stray too far, there go your tags and all your progress.  This "hide the sausage" motif has to be stopped as well.
  • Basically, if the sole purpose of a tactic (or even the creation of an event, monster class, or NM) is to forment and encourage abuse of the game, the rules, and of the other players, that must go.  This means, as one major example:  End Neo-Nyzul.  Those of us not tempted to cheat our asses off are not fooled!
  • Understand that the continued acceptance of illegal tactics limits the access to certain aspects of the game (and perhaps even does so on the creation level!) to those players who choose to cheat.
On things outside of dealing with player-cheating:
  •  More solo BCNMs, and make them challenging!
  •  More events based around solo players to begin with -- we should not have to be forced to party with people whose conduct makes us subject to Special Task Force investigations!
  • Get rid of obsolete events.  There are events which either failed completely or died out and they simply are not done anymore.  Get rid of them.
  • Make it worth it to actually play 1-98.  This ties into the Fell Cleave stuff -- the game effectively starts at the cap, and, as a long thread on the Official Forums put it, they might as well start the characters at level 99, at least as far as most of the North American community are concerned.
  • Stop making it seem as if many of the mobs' drop tables are basically based inversely-proportional to the wishes of the player or players killing it!  0/12 on Dagourmarche, 6 Axe tests, 6 Staff tests?  Voidwatch, in general, where 0/500+ is Working As Intended?
Job stuff:
  • The new two-hours basically suck, almost across the board.  These are level-99 abilities, and, in most of the cases, the level-1 two-hours are superior!
  • DRG:  Make it possible for a 99 DRG to have a jet-black wyvern for cool factor!  :)
  • RDM:  Relevance or removal:  Pick one.
  • SAM:  Nerf the Shoha-Shoha light skillchain.  3K or so outside of Abyssea is a bit much.  (or pump up some of the other weaponskills comparable in other jobs!)
  • BST:  You're either going to have to declare all BST/pet opponents red/purple, or do something like that you can't proc a yellow mob in Dynamis, and if the mob goes yellow, you lose the proc.
  • MNK: If it's a tank, let it be a tank.  But is that what you guys intended for the job?
  • DNC:  I'm almost thinking the healing at subjob is a touch overpowered.  /DNC is almost a requirement at solo -- and even in some group situations.
I'll come up with more.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The latest assholery from Our Lords and Masters...

Coolbeans on BluCheater:  "He's on to our steroid use and he's coming to bust our juicing asses."

Why, yes I am.

To those who care:  These jack-offs think it's mental illness not to cheat, troll, steal, and commit criminal acts in Final Fantasy XI.

And to basically openly admit the usage of the game-equivalent of steroids and then laugh when they are called on it is just obscene.

Mairja, same idiocy:  "Hey, Starcade, the reason Rosina is the OF's lightning rod isn't that she speaks the truth and we dislike it. It's because she's a goddamn moron who 99% of the time has no fucking clue wtf she's talking about and is just spewing bullshit all over the forum."

You have no fucking right to tell me nor anyone else with any degree of legitimacy what is bullshit in this game and what is not.

Nor does anyone else on BluGartr.

Rosina is a "goddamn moron" because she will not cheat to win.  Rosina "doesn't know what she is talking about" because the people who declare "how to play the game" on the US/NA side make cheating a requirement to do so.

You have no right to tell anyone how to play the game, any more than Barry Bonds knows how to play baseball or Ben Johnson knows how to run 100 meters.

You fuckers couldn't kill a bee in North Gustaberg without Windower, the way you fuckers go on and on.

You forfeited the legitimacy of your characters, your research, and everything you do on FFXI when you hang with these dogs.

The only reason you have an ounce of acceptance in this game is that there's a very good chance the North American part of the MMO Division of Square-Enix is at least as crooked as you are!

And you don't get that this is WHY the JP part of same division largely ignores your sorry asses!

BluGartr has done more to destroy the game than any other group on FFXI, with the possible exception of Chinese RMT.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I can't believe people don't get it, again and again and again....

Churchill:  Please read for comprehension.  I said "Set it up."  You want it?  I don't have a problem with that.  To get what you believe (as the owners of this game, as you believe) you want out of this game, you need me either locked up or dead.

So fuck you and set it up.

Now, to what I was actually posting:

I am continuing to read the "Do you really think that little of your playerbase?" thread on the Official Forums and am just dumb-struck as to how few people actually get WHY you won't even get the answer as to why Square-Enix (Japan) is so disrespectful and disregarding of the American player-base.

The reason you won't get specifics is NOT that the specifics are proprietary information.

The reason IS that most of the North American player-base, and effectively anyone the player-base deems "important" (with very few exceptions, if any!) is a bunch of trolling, lying, cheating, pieces of shit who don't deserve the information Square-Enix would supply if it answered your question.

It gets back to what Rosina said:

"Lastly, as for job balance, the fault lies with you guys. You guys pretty much fk'ed with the system. Now SE has to scramble to pretty much balance the game around you guys."

Good going, player-base.

The "balance" that Tanaka was trying to implement in the last months of his administration was NOT within the concepts of the game itself.

The "balance" was the attempt to rein in the BluGartrs, the app-creators, the hackers, the bot-users, etc. and so forth, so as to _attempt_ -- and, to date, fail -- to enforce their rules on a player-base who not only doesn't respect them, but truly believes they know more about the game than Square-Enix:

Although with varying amounts of sarcasm, this is basically what the BG community believes:

(Churchill again)

"Face it son, you fucking lost the game. We have more money, and we have more power than you. We fucking own FFXI and we'll do whatever the fuck we want. I will run at 200% speed and I will make walls invisible and I will laugh at people like you who don't use windower and wear full AF2."

They think they know more about the game than the guys and gals who make it, code it, etc.

Then why aren't you the GMs yourselves?

You basically believe you own the fucking place.  You basically use the game-equivalent of steroids without any regard to other players or to Square-Enix.  You believe it is nothing short of mental illness NOT to cheat.

In that realm, you will get violence -- you don't want me in that environment.

Fuck you.  And if Churchill wants it to his face, set it up.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I think I know two things about the US player-base's running feud with Rosina from the Official Forums...

1) I can now see why they think that she's a sock puppet of me.

2) She may or may not be right on everything she posts, but sometimes she gets it so right, she's way too close to home for the BitchGartr cheater brigade.

There was a very appropriate thread on the Official Forums.  Not sure how much longer it's going to exist, but the title should say it all...

"Do you really think that little of your player-base?"

Short answer:  Yes, they do.

I'll let Rosina provide the longer answer, which gains some reasons why.  Knala from Sylph asked the question, and gave a well-reasoned, well-thought-out argument as to some things Knala feels we should be told.

Which is fine.

But Rosina posted on page 2 the ultimate truth of the matter, and that's when the thread went south.

Rosina's answer, and my comments thereto:

"First off, they do not have to tell you how the game works behind the scenes. Thats sorta how hackers/exploiters get data to make hax and exploits"

You basically have to understand that hackers and exploiters are the heads of the North American player-base.  Even to the point that Square-Enix' own North American Community Team salutes them for this known fact.  Hackers and exploiters run the show over here -- that's why you don't get much meaningful information on the North American side -- the JP side takes one look at the North American side, and basically has discarded all but their money.

This, alone, should answer Knala's question, a continuing question of those still allowed to post on the Official Forums.

The fact is that every event that Square-Enix has created, the BluGartr team has tried to exploit for it's own benefit and that of either no one else or only their friends.

BluGartr has done more to destroy this game than any other single group in the entire history of Final Fantasy XI.  Anyone who supports them within Square-Enix should be FIRED.  (I'm looking straight at you, Camate and Bayohne.)

Rosina continues:

"Second, luck based systems been in rpg since table top. You sorta NEED them in rpg because if everything was 100% content would would become obsolete that much faster."

But 0/700?  0/1000?  I've heard those numbers often around VoidWatch.  One of the reasons I don't do it that often.

(Another is pissants like Kecer, who decided to D2 me, even though I didn't ask him to, straight out of a VoidWatch chest which had a Heavy Metal Plate in it.  Thanks, motherfucker.  I'd slap you if I could find you.  Fuck you, as I said to you in-game.)

But Rosina makes up for it with this money-shot:

"Lastly, as for job balance, the fault lies with you guys. You guys pretty much fk'ed with the system. Now SE has to scramble to pretty much balance the game around you guys."

And there's the answer in three short sentences.  Right there, in living color.

The entire system, with Windower, bots, .dat swaps, Clipper, and exploits, has been completely fucked out of all proportion.  So Tanaka's "BARANCE!" mandate was nothing more than a last gasp for Square-Enix to get control of the game back.

You can even take this as far as the UI changes scheduled for the Seekers release.

But Square-Enix is being forced to deal with a bunch of little pissant shitheads who should be out of the game.  But because the North Americans seem to be interested in giving them rimjobs, you get stuff like VoidWatch...  NeoNyzul...  Legion...  etc. and so forth.

And Rosina, at least on the Official Forums, has taken my place as Official Lightning Rod.  I give it another month or two, and she'll be tossed.

Oh, and BG:  FUCK YOU.

PS:  If you really think I'm that harmless, set up a time and place that I can meet a couple of you guys and we'll see if you're right.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Yep, somebody is going to have to get their ass kicked...

Just because...  Agents in the field (who know who they are) notified me of BG's latest attempts to have me show up at a Fan Festival, find their booth, and see how many thousands of dollars in computer damage I can do by taking the entire table, throwing it in their laps, and smashing as much as I can until the cops show up...

Today's little ditty ties me to the Official Forums' most controversial poster, Rosina (Kilta from Bahamut).

So, let's see what our "friends" at the community largest responsible for the complete destruction of any relevant hope of credibility for the North American FFXI brigade have to say in the realm of "We have had enough of this shit..." (calls for the Official BluGartr Appreciation Society...  Errrr...  The North American Community Team to aid in having Rosina expelled from the Official Forums have increased exponentially)
  • Basically likening us to the "Family Guy" wheelchair-cripple scene, probably with them just waiting to send Stewie in to screw us over in the bed, still in our wheelchairs.  Not that it wouldn't surprise me to see some of these BG fuckers take people in wheelchairs and tip them over, too.  Be about right up their alley.
  • Guitarman of Shiva is the first to officially want his ass kicked:  "her and starcade need to get together. that child would be the perfect being of unmitigated crazy." 
  •  Bechyni from Carbuncle:  "He could stalk her until she falls for him....then have random pauses....during sex for think."  (Hell, why don't we just admit we'd go over there and blow up her house for us considering her too retarded to continue to deserve to live?  You basically said that on this page too, guys!)
  •  Taruina just got tossed off the Official Forums, basically, for saying Rosina had "Attention Deficate Disorder".  Someone needs to get fucking slapped, and soon.
  • And they finally got Rosina at least deleted out of the Mumor thread.
Look, to the Japanese heads of FFXI, it's time to stop the bullshit.

Either you get somebody on the North American side of things that's going to enforce rules against third-party programs and the assholes in the community who use and promote them, or someone else is going to start doing something, if it's clear that BG can just pay people off to be at the top of the food chain over here.

The only way to deal with a bully is to bash his head in with a baseball bat, especially when the community is built to support said bully.

And no, GM Qeepel.  Everyone is NOT entitled to their opinion, especially in a community led by illegal players!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The new 2 hours: My thoughts...

They're about to go on the test server now, but it looks like they have an idea of the 20 jobs' new 2-hours for level 99.

Some thoughts:

WAR:  Regular attacks will become non-elemental and grants a drastic increase in accuracy.

Formless Strikes + Accuracy  I could see a couple of Voidwatch fights in which this could be useful (Jeuno L4 in Ronfaure, for one...), but that just doesn't read "L99 2 Hour" to me.

MNK:  Grants a 100% counter-rate against regular attacks from enemies. Also, the amount of enmity gained by this will increase drastically.

Absolute Counter, and you're now the tank, Mr. Monk!  Congratulations.

Nice "Oh Shit!" situation there, but you've probably got 60 seconds to kill whatever it is you're up against!

WHM:  Grants party members protection from status ailments.

Half of Alexander-SMN's Perfect Defense.  Probably the half most people need it for too!

BLM:  Grants a drastic decrease in enmity generated by magic attacks.

How about just no emnity, especially as squishy as most effective BLMs are?

RDM:  Grants an increase to the effect of enhancing magic.

It's official.  RDM now only exists to get your Maat's Cap.  R.I.P.

THF:  Major damage is dealt to the enemy and all enmity will be transferred to the player standing in front of them.

I've got an official name for that:  "Fuck You Both!!"

PLD:  Grants an increase to the chance of blocking with a shield and reflects the blocked damage to the attacker.

As a 2-hour?  Merited at 99???  That almost makes Invincible preferred!!

DRK:  Steals an enemy's TP through regular attacks while the effect is active.

TP Drain.  Nice analogue to Blood Weapon.

BST:  Absorbs the pet and recovers both HP and removes status ailments. Also, the player will receive a Reraise effect.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...  So I lose the pet, but I also heal my HP (at least some, probably based on HP of the pet), and remove status ailments too?  And I get a RR??  And what of my Call Beast timer?

Interesting, but that could reek overpowered!

BRD:  Drastically reduces the magic defense, magic evasion, and INT/MND of the target.

Uhhh, no.  Just...  no.

RNG:  The range modifier will become the optimal distance no matter the range to the target. Also, ammunition will not be consumed.

THIS is more what I would have in mind for a 99 2-hour!!!  You get free ammo AND the optimal distance.

SAM:  All damage caused by physical special abilities will be evaded. Additionally, weapon skill damage will increase as more special abilities are evaded.

Gotta be careful with Samurai.  Probably one of the more base-powerful jobs in the game, you have to be careful what you give it.  This is measured without becoming ridiculous, but is almost certainly situational enough that Meikyo Shisui will be preferred.

NIN:  Grants a drastic increase in parry rate. Additionally, Ninjutsu recast times will be reduced by 50% and ninja tools will not be consumed.

See RNG.  Same principles here.  Free tools AND parrying increases and recasts are halved!

DRG:  Wyvern’s HP is completely restored and all status ailments are cured. Additionally, the wyvern’s stats will increase.

No.  Just...  no.  Spirit Link + XP for the wyvern?  PASS!!!

SMN:  The recast time of both summoning magic and Blood Pacts will become 0 while under the effect of the ability.

There you go.  Spam as many Garuda attacks (Predator Claws) as you can within the time limit!!  (And your remaining MP base.)

BLU:  While the ability is in effect, blue magic from Unbridled Learning can be used continuously.

See SMN, to an extent, I guess...

COR:  Grants the ability to use up to 3 Phantom Roll effects.

2 is the current max, IIRC.  Wild Card might still be preferrable, except in mega-boss fights or the like.

PUP:  Automaton will use special abilities. Special ability usage will depend on the automaton head.
Harlequin Head: Mighty Strikes
Valoredge Head: Invincible
Sharpshot Head: Eagle Eye Shot
Stormwaker Head: Chainspell
Soulsoother Head: Benediction (Will apply to the party members and automaton itself)
Spiritreaver Head: Manafont

Basically, depending on the head used, the automaton will gain a 2-hour commensurate with it.  Not bad.

DNC:  Grants maximum amount of Finishing Moves and the recast time of all Flourishes will be reset.
Additionally, while the ability is in effect, Finishing Moves will not be consumed.

*buzzer*!!  Unless that's an "OH SHIT, I NEED MORE TP OR I DIE!!!!111!!11eleven", that's another "Just....  no."

SCH:  Will direct enmity of all party members to an indicated player.

Basically either to get the tanking back in order or to kill that annoying party member who isn't going to do anything anyway!

UGH.  Maybe a half a dozen or so of these...  tops...  are ANY good???